ever have those days where you catch yourself in a mirror or see a photo someone took of you and say oh my bleepin god?

Yep that happened to me today and it took everything in me not to ball like a friggin baby.
I have to keep reminding myself that this time next year I will not look like these photos….But man do they ever hurt when I do see them.

I see photos of myself from 2004 and think “what I would give to be THAT fat again” Its amazing how we view ourselves and then look back and don’t understand how we could have ever thought something was wrong with us.

But it’s still getting harder to look at newer photos..I’ve almost come to that point where I don’t want photos taken of me anymore because I just feel so horrible when I look at them.

Again reminding myself that things are going to change and I am going to be looking very very different next summer..lol

My mom keeps telling me how beautiful I am but after the surgery I am going to be so “hot” I just laugh.
She thinks I am going to change personality wise and I really don’t think I will….I mean once you’ve been where I’ve been and seen things the way I’ve seen them I don’t think you really can become a mean person….maybe a little more hungry though…LOL
But in all seriousness I think I will have a better understanding of what it’s like to be not only a women but a fat women and I will never again be a bitch towards someone who struggles with weight as I do.
Yes you heard me, I’ve been a bitch before and I am ashamed to admit it but it’s very true….Karma really is a bitch cause she socked it to me.

I should have never taken for granted who and what I was, but had I remained the person I was then I would not be the women I am today.
That little girl was a lost soul and was so troubled.
So if becoming a fat women was what it was going to take to allow me to become a stronger women then I will take it.

I will learn from this and grow even stronger as I continue this next step of my life.