I am a fat women, this I know.
With that being said I want you to know:
I LOVE MYSELF! Not for what I look like but for who I am as a women!
Yes I may have issues, but none are related to my weight.
Am I comfortable in my skin, No…But does it mean I hate myself…NO!
I am a STRONG women, with a creative soul.
I have ideas and goals that I put into action.
I do NOT settle and if you can’t do for me what I need I can move on at anytime, Because I am INDEPENDENT!
I don’t NEED a man to make me feel beautiful, I can do that all on my own.
I do NOT need to put trashy photos of myself anywhere to gain attention, My beautiful face can do that all on it’s own.
I do not NEED the praise of others, the only praise I need is from myself.
I can take care of myself with out needing to rely on someone else to do it for me.
I am fearless, loud, opinionated and mouthy….call me a bitch I don’t care because I am women hear me roar!
I do not seek out attention from others because I need to feel worthy.
My life is NOT about my weight, It’s about growing as a human and becoming the best person I can be.

If people continue to make these assumptions about me I just may have to remove you, because people like you bring me down and I don’t need to be heading down…been there, done that, bought that t-shirt and threw it in the trash with the rest of the garbage!
Remember this the next time you approach me or say something to me, because if you don’t it may be your last time in my presence.

The process is still very much a long one and one I am very much willing to be patient for.

On October 19th I will have a 4 hour long appointment with the Guelph weight loss surgery center.
I will meet with a nutritionist a doctor a social worker and a psychiatrist each will evaluate on if I am a good candidate for this surgery or not.
I am actually not worried about failing as I believe I am now really do this for all the right and positive reasons.
But I would be lying to you, myself and them if I said physical appearance did not play a small part.

I am not looking to be super skinny to be sexy or beautiful, I very much already think I am both
I want to be normal, I want to feel good about my health and my body.
I want to be able to do things with my son that at this moment my weight does not allow me too.
And most of all I don’t want to die at a younger age and miss out on my child growing up into a man and starting a life of his own, I don’t want to miss out on having grand kids and being able to spend time with them.

It’s a new start to life for me, I will become the person I know I am inside because it will be reflected on the outside.

My motto is still this though: “If you can’t like me as a fat girl don’t think I will like you as a skinny girl!”
And that my friends will not change!

I want to thank everyone who’s given me so much love an support through all this, at times it can be very emotionally difficult. People think you will “change” but I really do not think I will.
I am a very strong willed women some would even say “bitch” and honestly I like myself like that…lol
And I have every intention of staying that way.
Those who I love will always know it and those who bother me will also always know it.

So my lovelies please say a little prayer for me as I go forth on this new journey once again and pray they speed it up a little….LOL

xoxox

About 2-3 weeks from now my first HUGE journey of being a new mom will begin.
I’ve waited a long time for this little miracle/bundle of joy and it’s almost time for him to grace us all with his presence.
I’m scared and excited all at the same time and look forward to taking this mom journey.
I’ve got a wonderful support team to help me through what might be for me difficult times.
Their faith in my and my ability to be a good mom has made me stronger and I hope I can be the person for my son that they see me as.

My 2nd journey begins again for the 2nd time this June.
I’ve struggled my whole life with weight and last year I began the steps to a new life by deciding that weight loss surgery was right for me.
I was half way through my process/journey when I found out I was going to be a mom.
So we put that on hold but now the time has come to re start that journey and begin another chapter of my life.
I feel now more then ever this surgery is important.
I want to be healthy and live a long life for not only myself but for my child.

Coming to the decision for weight loss surgery was not an easy one, people seem to think I just thought of it over night that I just woke up one day and said to myself “OH Weight Loss Surgery! Thats how I’ll do it!!!”
Thats not the case at all, it took me many years to come to this decision, Many days and nights trying other forms of weight loss with out success for me to finally come to the conclusion that unlike some I needed some extra help.
That is when I began looking into having the surgery and I am glad I did.

So as you can tell this is in fact a very very exciting time for me and my life and I welcome you all to come share in my new joys as they happen.

Blessings to all

Something that’s really been pissing me off lately is all these people who’ve jumped on the “Anti Bullying” bandwagon but yet they are still BULLIES!
Their definition of bully must be far different from mine because as I see it hate is hate no matter how you choose to spread it and a bully is a bully no matter who your bullying and for whatever dumb reason it is that you’ve chosen to bully.

You can’t pick a choose between the two, Your either a bully or your not…You either hate or you don’t.
There is no fine line between the two.

You can’t say “I’m not a bully, I have gay friends, Muslim friends, black friends.” Then in that same breath say “Oh I so hate that fat chick over there she is disgusting!”
Body Mass Bullying is still BULLYING!
You can’t make fun of a fat person, or a real skinny person and then say your not being a bully because there is NO DIFFERENCE between hating someone because of religion or skin color or sexual orientation or their body mass!

Kids these days don’t seem to see the difference, They think “Oh I can’t say nothing bout him cause he’s gay, BUT we can go make fun of him cause he’s fat!”

We set out these no tolerance policies in our schools, yet no one actually follows through with them.
What’s the point of having them set in place if we allow one group of people to be bullied and discriminated against but not another group of people?
Where do we draw the line? When do we say enough is enough?
How do we teach our children that NO form of bullying is acceptable?

My best friend and I came from totally different ends of the spectrum and I didn’t until a few years ago understand that the words being flung at her hurt her just as much as the words begin flung at me.

I was the fat one, People always thought they were a laugh a minute making fun of how big my ass was or how my boobs were to big and sagged or how I had a mushroom top when I wore some cloths.
They thought it funny to call me lazy, saying I sat around watched tv and ate all day long.
People literally knew nothing about what was going on in my life, The fact was that I was starving myself and it backfired in my face instead of loosing weight I gained as my body would store and reproduce what fats I did take it to prepare itself for starvation mode again.
Yes fat people too can suffer from eating disorders!

My best friend on the other hand feared being fat to the point where she was never eating and became so thin people poked at her for that.
“If she turns sideways she will disappear” .. “Where did she go? Oh sorry didn’t see you there your so skinny”
She was pointed out all the time, Even as a thin women she could not escape being picked on.
She was to most people “To Thin” and that made her a target for bullies and hateful/ignorant people.

I’ve written about bullies before, We all know they don’t come at you alone they come in packs. So when these kids are being bullied they are not being singled out by 1 person they are being targeted by a group.

Words hurt! Bruises fade away and disappear but I will tell you this the words you inflict on another person can stay with them for a lifetime.

Be a part of the solution not the problem, If you’ve made the choice to stand up against bullies then do it!
If you are on the “anti bullying” campaign then don’t turn around and be a secret bully.
Choose your words carefully, and always think of how they will impact another person.
Your mother and father should have already taught you “If you don’t got something nice to say, Don’t say anything at all!” Live that motto.

No one person is better then any other person, No one person can ever know how another feels.
No one can ever really know how you might effect another person until sadly it could be to late.

Hate only breeds more Hate, Ignorance only breeds more Ignorance, Bullies only create more Bullies.

You each have it in you to change the way people think, You just have to stand up and use your voice!

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/dating-blog/overweight-couples-on-television

This article to me is a pure form of hate and if it’s not squashed out now other hateful people will use this as fuel to feed their own hateful fires.
I write a letter to Maura Kelly the women who wrote this article and here’s what I had to say:

Dear Maura,
You’ve by now probably received many complaints and emails regarding your tasteless article about fat people.
Let me tell you this is going to be another one.

For you to sit and judge an whole group of people is appalling it’s like saying all black people are stupid gangsters or all gay people are super drama queens.

Have you ever once in your life asked a fat person why they are fat? How did they get to the point of obesity?
If you’d bother to ask I am sure many would have hard knock life stories to tell you, some may even make you cry.

So since you such an uneducated women when it comes to fat people here’s my story:
At the age of 4 I started being sexually abused by 2 men in my life that I was suppose to be able to trust, my uncle and a last minute babysitter.
This went on til I was 10 years old and it took me that long to find the courage to tell my family what had happened to me.
Little did I know those years would forever shape my future.
I would go on to hate everything about myself, I began cutting my body to help heal the pain inside, I needed to feel alive because I felt dead.
I began sleeping around and getting drunk every night doing drugs anything and everything I could to shut out the pain.
It took YEARS for me to realize I had self destructed. Years to realize I was NOT to blame for those idiots.
I fueled my fear and anger with not only drugs, booze and sex but food.
Yes FOOD! fatty food, the worse types of food and why? cause it made me feel good that’s why!
By the time I realized I was wasting away I was in a hospital bed after a large overdose.
It was then I knew I needed to change my life to get back on track.
My doctor prescribed me some heavy duty drugs with each of them having 1 thing in common, Weight Gain!
I went from being 180 to being 270, and yes this depressed me even more but I stayed on track my mind and my heart and soul deserved that much from me.

I’ve struggled for the last 7 years to loose this unwanted weight, the last of my pain that everyone can see.
Last year I geared up to take a major step in my journey, Gastric Bypass Surgery.
That’s been put on hold as I’ve found out I am going to be a mother, and I don’t know about your mother but my mom taught me no matter what you treat people with kindness.
You don’t go out into the world and pick on and bully people no matter what feelings you may have. You keep your opinions to yourself!
I will hopefully raise my child with the same respect as my mother taught me.
I wish only that your mother had taught you the same, because had she I’d not be writing to you right now.

You can say sorry all you want Maura, the fact is that it’s been said and it’s now out there for all the world to see and for more hateful people to use as their own fuel for hate.
You should truly be ashamed of what harm you have caused and remember what goes around come’s around, and KARMA is a bitch.

Sincere Regards,
Tami Croft

You can contact Maura Kelly yourself by writing to magazinereporter@yahoo.com

You can also help by showing Marie Claire your disapproval by contacting them directly on their site.

Remember folks HATE IS HATE no matter how you choose to spread it!

And if we do not stand up and do anything then we’re just apart of the problem not the solution!

I actually look forward to getting fat, I am gonna lie and tell people I am not fat at all just pregnant!
I think I will keep using that from now til ohh you know after gastric surgery, So I am gonna be pregnant for like EVER!

Still having no luck keeping food down, I go a couple days with out being sick then it’s like something inside of me says “hey you haven’t puked in awhile!” and BANG I barf up an entire day’s worth of food!

On a positive note I am getting some of my energy back and have begun to exercise again….woo hoo
I don’t mean I am running on a tread mill or doing jumping jacks but I am getting my body moving again which felt like I was never gonna do again.

My emotions are still on high alert and I cry for no reason, it’s gotten to the point where I try and find reasons to cry just so I can get it out.
Then I have a day like today where I am feeling great and laughing so hard my eyes water so bad I can’t see.
Up an down … these are the days of my life.

I’ve gotten so much better at eating too, I think most of it stems from when I was preparing for the surgery and I had put myself on the diet well I am sticking to that diet and eating better and more often and I hope it pays off.

I lost 6 pounds at the start of this pregnancy and have only gained back 2.5 of it so far.

I am hoping to take a prenatal swim class to keep myself going, and hoping at the same time it helps with my fibro pain cause I think out of everything that is driving me the most crazy.
I makes me so miserable and cranky is an understatement because people “THINK” they know what I am going through but really have NO clue!

k I am off to go exercise some more … gonna work out to some Usher!

Yep that happened to me today and it took everything in me not to ball like a friggin baby.
I have to keep reminding myself that this time next year I will not look like these photos….But man do they ever hurt when I do see them.

I see photos of myself from 2004 and think “what I would give to be THAT fat again” Its amazing how we view ourselves and then look back and don’t understand how we could have ever thought something was wrong with us.

But it’s still getting harder to look at newer photos..I’ve almost come to that point where I don’t want photos taken of me anymore because I just feel so horrible when I look at them.

Again reminding myself that things are going to change and I am going to be looking very very different next summer..lol

My mom keeps telling me how beautiful I am but after the surgery I am going to be so “hot” I just laugh.
She thinks I am going to change personality wise and I really don’t think I will….I mean once you’ve been where I’ve been and seen things the way I’ve seen them I don’t think you really can become a mean person….maybe a little more hungry though…LOL
But in all seriousness I think I will have a better understanding of what it’s like to be not only a women but a fat women and I will never again be a bitch towards someone who struggles with weight as I do.
Yes you heard me, I’ve been a bitch before and I am ashamed to admit it but it’s very true….Karma really is a bitch cause she socked it to me.

I should have never taken for granted who and what I was, but had I remained the person I was then I would not be the women I am today.
That little girl was a lost soul and was so troubled.
So if becoming a fat women was what it was going to take to allow me to become a stronger women then I will take it.

I will learn from this and grow even stronger as I continue this next step of my life.

I am excited because this means I am closer to the new me and my new life but like many I am scared they will say no for one reason or another.

I’ve already begun to prepare for it all and I am doing so good and I am really proud of myself.

I’ve cut back on food, taken out my regular intake of chocolate and pop…I am eating more fruits and veggies as well as more often…I had a really bad habit of forgetting to eat…not anymore!
I’ve started drinking more water but still not up to where I should be … haven’t been able to cut gum out yet either .. I think that’s going to be a hard one..lol

Everyone around me is so proud of what I am doing and how I am sticking with it and it makes me more determined and I keep pushing ahead…I know it’s hard but I keep going cause I know that in the end it’s going to be so amazing.